Being nervous can be a good thing. I had many conversations about nerves this week while shooting in Toronto, leading up to Good For Her’s Feminist Porn Awards. Nervousness makes me speculate, dream, worry, giggle. I get shifty, restless, hyper, disoriented. The thing about being nervous is the more you try to supress it, the more “freaked out” you get.
In the back of a cab with Jiz Lee and April Flores, we were talking about writing acceptance speeches for awards, and our fears. Jiz was afraid of getting on stage, I was afraid of forgetting people to thank, and April.. well, April wasn’t scared of anything – as usual!
So, we came up with a brilliant plan to calm our nerves – to create a new award, nominate ourselves, and win in a three-way tie before we even hit the FPA scene! So I would like to present the winners for the Queer Porn Mafia “Back of the Cab” I Love You award!
The first winner of this award is me. I win the Queer Porn Mafia Back of the Cab I Love You award because I am surrounded by people like Jiz and April, both on the set and in our everyday lives. I am so blessed to have these two incredibly powerful, charming, enigmatic, intoxicating beauties in my life, in my porn, and also I am blessed to be in their hearts. I know I say this a lot on my twitter, facebook, and screaming out loud after a night at the bar – but I am the luckiest girl on Earth. I would like to thank the following people for everything they have contributed to the love in my life, my sanity, and all of the lucky things that happen to me: Jiz Lee and April of course, my BFF Jenna Riot, my parents Mateo and Georgia for being the most supportive porno-parents anybody could ever ask for, my sister for being the hottest bitch on earth, my little brother for always being sweet and brilliantly smart, Billy Castro my porno husband, Dylan Ryan, Tina Horn, Judy Minx, Carol Queen, Alison Lee, Chase Joynt, Eon McKai, Violet Blue, Lux, Carson, Lorlelei Lee, Tomcat, Puck Goodfellow, Morty Diamond, Devon Devine, Coyote Days, Jackie Strano, Alicia Relles, Scarlot Harlot, Amos Mac, Rocco, Sarah lee Sinful, Syd Blakovich, Shine Houston, Tristan Taormino, Drew Deveaux, Mev Luna, Cyd Loverboy, James Darling, Nic W, Carlos Batts, Kimberly Kane, Jamie Martin, JD, Walter Crasshole, Carnal Nation… Also I would be an asshole to not mention that my ex J was an incredible support and inspiration throughout the past year… she may not be here now, but she was a huge part of my life and my work while she was around. wow it really does take a villiage to make a porn revolution!
The second winner of the Back of the Cab I Love You Award goes to April Flores… one of my best friends, and one of the biggest inspirations of my whole fucking life. In a year, we have changed the rules, or maybe we’ve just broken them over and over and over. In my film Nostalgia, I had the distinct pleasure of what I can only describe as “making love” to her with Pepper Sox and Kimberly Kane – her body on top of me shifted my world, and I’m not the only person to completely gush about her after performing with her. In my film Roulette Dirty South, she filmed me while getting filmed, and her footage of me and Pepper Sox is some of the most beautiful erotica I’ve ever had the pleasure to edit. And I can’t even describe the experience of having her on the set of Bordello – my world expoloded when I was directing her and Billy Castro, and that performance in my mind, wins every award in the book.
In a world were skinny is a requisite for fame, April Flores has become an overnight icon of sexuality, the Marilyn Monroe of the new millenium. Her road to ledgend has only begun. Her pussy is plaster-cast and widely distributed in Cyberskin, her movies with husband Carlos Batts are cult classics, her queerness is natural, her personality is electric. When she walks in a room, everybody just… stops. She is one of the most important people in my life, and makes porn stars nervous. I love you, April!
The third winner of the Back of the Cab I Love You award makes me crumble to my feet every time they look at me. I’m fidgeting just trying to type this out. Jiz Lee is by far my biggest muse. Jiz embodies everything I was looking for, working for, lusting for, when I was 19 and creating No Fauxxx. I’ve had a major crush on them ever since they broke my hardcore porn cherry in Shine Houston’s Wild Search, as has everybody else who has encountered them. Jiz has this look in the eye that pierces through the camera lense, into the hearts of everybody watching. A brilliant model and adult performer, Jiz in the streets is extremely kind, hilarious, cuddly, flirtatious. They seem to have endless faith in me as a friend, as a love, and as a collaborator. Jiz is a living, breathing super-hero, and I feel so fucking lucky to call myself their Lois Lane. Jiz is kind of so amazing it breaks my heart. I love you, Jiz!
In true Blog Jinx style, you can read Jiz Lee’s I Love You award post right now over at JizLee.Com – and brand new! We’ve brought in April on this project, and her blog jinx will be up shortly at her website as well.